Thank You

I want to thank those of you out there who have recently discovered my blog. Thank you for the reading, the sharing, comments and support. I want you to know that I write because I have to, and I write for those who won't or can't face the hell that engulfed them at a time in their lives. The physical, mental, and emotional trauma that is associated with an abusive childhood never goes away and affects your actions for the rest of your life. You may be an abuser yourself, or care so little about your own existence that you sell your body for a puff on the crack pipe. It was foretold by my mother and one of my brothers that my destiny lay somewhere between the crack-whore and your average run-of-the mill money for sex whore. I became neither. The abuse led me to years of depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and physical and emotional ailments that plague me to this day. I never thought much of myself, and like many, looked for love in all the wrong places. However, I was fortunate enough to find therapy, prayer, and myself at the bottom of the ashes. In two days my husband and I will celebrate 15 years of wedded bliss.

It has not been easy and many times we surely drove each other to the brink of insanity. Our blessing was that we loved each other enough not to take the easy way out, and more importantly, we had God on our side.

My daughter will be twelve in a few months, and I will tell you my greatest accomplishment has been loving and nurturing her. The day I brought her home from the hospital, I wondered how I had lived my life all those years without her. Her birth was like winning a special prize. Now I was complete. I would have a childhood after all with her. My pleasure came from being the best mother I could be. I am grateful that in spite of everything, I chose to live in the light.

For those of you out there who have been down this road, I want you to know that you are not alone. I shudder to think how many of us there are out there. I am not a doctor nor do I profess to know what steps to take to acknowledge what happened to you. The best I can offer is this blog, to begin at the beginning, and do what is best for you to heal your soul and life.

I have been there. And I am still.....here.