As I sit in my bedroom and try to find a few hours of quiet time, my daughter darts in and out, requesting fervent kisses on the cheek and hugs that relieve me of breath. She is in a good mood as friends are coming over to once again rule the night.
I, tucked away in my room, am left to grapple with ways on how to heal my body, mind, and spirit. Today has been particularly troubling. My anxiety is on full speed ahead and my emotions spring from one extreme to the other. My heart flutters and my hands shake. I'm not quite sure what to make of things. My brain is constantly ablaze with thoughts of what might be, what has happened in the past, and what is going on now; how can I fix/change/pay it. Even though I may sit, and perhaps watch a program on the television, it is hard for me to be in the moment. What is that pain, and did I ever feel it before? What does it mean and will I sleep tonight?
It is at times like this that I have learned to ride out my neurosis like a violent wave; calm will eventually come and then I cruise back to shore, rattled but still on board. My being is just another casualty in the eternal war that is me. I have no doubt that I will get through this dismal series of emotions. I have time and time and time again. As darkness falls I sigh. as I know night will be a long time coming. But come it does and perhaps tomorrow I'll be a bit better than I was today. And so will you.
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