Free to be Me.

It is difficult for me to describe who and what I am. When confronted with that question I pause. Who am I?? What makes me me?? Even now words escape me, and as I try to round up the suitable ones to describe me, I can say with certainty what I am not.

I am not evil or cruel. I am not greedy, nor do I find satisfaction in the ill treatment of others. I am not complacent and will come to the aid of those that need me if at all possible. I am not rich and I do not try to present a false picture of myself to others. As I continue on, I would like to tell you some of the things that I am, try to be, and long to be.

I am and always have been and will be, a thinker, a dreamer, a seeker and speaker of the truth. I am the faithful lover of a stirring man, and together we are more than the sum of our parts. Our daughter is the product of a profound and sincere love, and I am not complete without him or her.

As a small child I was confused as to my gender. I wasn't sure if I was a girl turning into a boy, or a boy turning into a girl. When puberty struck, my confusion turned to panic. To relieve myself of the worries, I identified myself with a comic strip character, a hillbilly by the name of "Snuffy Smith". That was my picture of myself. I cannot tell you why. Perhaps because there was nothing explicitly sexual about him, an unattractive loudmouth that could not be told the difference between right and wrong. That was me, I was him.

Today, I identify myself with me. I am unlike anyone I know. It has taken quite some time for me to be free to be me. I am a reader of good books, a woman of little importance except to my family and small circle of friends. I am a mom who finds it difficult to watch her daughter grow up because one day I will have to let go. In time. I am a work in progress, still evolving, free to be me.